2025 is almost over?! it's already 2026 in most areas. in a few minutes i'm going to church for the new year's sermon. or preaching. um, after that i'm going to my aunt's house to celebrate the new year. i'm gonna eat a lot of food, and that's why i didn't really eat anything. i thought now would be a good time to write type my new year's resolution in no specific order
make more friends
get a boyfriend
finish reading the bible
learn some javascript
FINISH MY SITE!
listen to more music
start a band..? this is just a half-joke :P
um. that's all i can think of. i don't need to fill these out, but i want to come close to doing so. 2025 has been a good year for me. it wasn't a bad year. GOODBYE 2025

hi. i'm cleaning my room. tomorrow i'll get in the christmas spirit. so, i've been thinking. what if i started a band? a lot of the bands that teenagers my age and older started in THIS time are mostly from the west coast (california -_- ). idk. i could be the lead singer, or any role of the band. idk. i should finish cleaning my room. sorry for being dry LOL i'll add more to this later. i will.
later: sighhhh. my best friend called me twice earlier today. we won't be able to meet up on the new year's weekend, but maybe i can plan something in february or something. ANYWAY, going back to what i was saying about being in a band.... yes. i have this unrealistic dream of being in a band. i know there are punk bands in philly, but um i just wanna be in a rock band, not a punk band. a band from the east coast!

it's Christmas, not Xmas. also, i need to sleep now. i need to finish cleaning my closet. why do i feel so bad? why am i like this? 755 days since that day. i'm not actually counting the days LOL, but i remember the date, even though i don't have to. does anyone read this? if so, tell me!
you don't have to, but....um. anyway, i shouldn't be complaining about my life now. it's basically 1am as of writing this. i really should sleep, but i want to make this blog entry. i should be happy that i don't have to go to school for now. i don't want to look at my old blog entries because those were in the past. i don't want to explain. therese aer late night thoughts. yeah, i reallt need to sleep. take my vitamins. sleep. today's already a monday. at least i'm on winter break. i want to be productive. if i do, then i really gneed to do soemthing.

it's not like i've NEVER had friends, but umm it's just right now. do i have social anxiety or something? i hope not. i tried to be productive today because i don't have school, but i didn't really do anything. i was about to clean my room, but i didn't. it's still messy. but..i want to feel the satisfaction from finally cleaning it again! that's what i should do. everything is temporary, after all.....life is good. besides, CHRISTMAS IS NEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i WILL get in the Christmas spirit. just a clarification, i do have friends, but i'm always last choice and THAT'S why i said that at first.

idc. life is good right now. i'm going to a christmas party later at church, i'm getting into the christmas spirit, and I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP TO THIS HIGH SCHOOL YAY!!!!! it's worth A LOT!! i'm just...feeling good.
so. umm how should i start the next part of this? well....idk i feel like God has a plan for me. i grew up in the church going to sunday school, and i knew about the bible stories, but i wasn't really a devout christian like some people. it's because going to church has been a part of my life and i never questioned it. until some things happened in my life, i really had my doubts. i learned about different religions and what they had to say. i really didn't know. i was actually thinking, "what would happen if i died? if i was never born?" i also had a lot of mental breakdowns. the secrets i was keeping ate me up from the inside.
it wasn't until my mother sent me to bible study every wednesday that i really became closer to God. i didn't go to it every wednesday, but every time i DID go to it, i felt different in the best way. every time i listened to the pastor's sermons, i felt touched by it. i felt changed. i don't go to THAT bible study anymore, but i go to another girls' bible study. i'm taking a break from it now because i finished the first part of it.
i'm not explaining this very well, but every time i think of even THINKING "God isn't real," i realize that i can't deny what He was done in my life and in other people's lives too. there are still so many questions i have that are unanswered. i feel like a hypocrite because i haven't read all the books of the bible and i don't know what to say if someone asks me, "why do you believe in god even though there is so much evil in this world?" it's because God meant it for good, but He gave us free will, and we sinned. that's an answer, but did God know we were going to sin? i should ask this question to someone who knows. i'm sorry. i really do believe in God, but do i show it? i'll try to.

"Are you friends with her?"
"Kind of. She acted nice to me yesterday and during lunch, but we aren't close, like best friends. She's nice, but there's something weird about her."
"Yeah, there's something wrong about her."

it's hard for me to talk to people more now than ever. even with friends, keeping up conversations seems like a chore. it's not, though. it's just... i've been disconnecting myself from reality. it sounds kind of corny, sorry.. but i guess it's my way of coping. i read rem's latest blog entry about this, and it brought me some comfort because things get better. my life is good right now, but at school, it's hard to keep or make friends. i don't know. sometimes i ask myself: what's the matter?

it's too late to say happy thanksgiving..it's 11:16 pm as i'm writing this. strangely, i don't feel that tired.
i spent most of my time today reading this book (the ballad of songbirds and snakes) and just....idk. for thanksgiving dinner, i went to my aunt's house. i didn't really eat much because of the full dinner i had yesterday. i had some pumpkin pie though. while i was eating that, i was reminded of why i always wanted to eat pumpkin pie specifically in the fall/thanksgiving season. it's because when i was younger, i remember going to someone's house for thanksgiving and trying pumpkin pie. it was good. that "someone" was actually my great-grandmother. i love pumpkin pies that taste like that pumpkin pie. this is all i have to say...good night -_-

when i'm not surfing the web or updating my website, i'm just playing roblox lol. other than that, i read, journal, or draw. right now, it's late for me. i have four days off from school thanks to thanksgiving break, so i can choose to stay up late. but....i need to sleep. to rest.. to relax (＿ ＿*)
***some time later: sometimes i think of redoing my website, but it's hard for me to because i want to stick to the same theme. i like coding, but i'm not the best at it and it isn't one of my main passions. it's just a pasttime...a hobby, i guess. it's cool. that media log page i keep on dreaming about for my website...i want to make it come to life!!

i'm feeling better lol. i was able to look more at the good things in life today, despite not going out that much. so...............i have to clean my room. the last time i thoroughly cleaned it was in the summer, and it's getting messy again. i also should fold my clothes....I'LL DO IT!

it feels good to not be in school today. it's because of a teacher in-service day. i just like spending my time at home without having to study or do homework. i just finished a paragraph i needed to do for ela, so i'm free for the rest of the day! i was planning to make smore's cookies yesterday, but i feel like today is a better day to make them. i love cookies -_-

i feel like i'm losing interest in my website. sometimes i don't have the energy to code anything, even though i have a lot of unfinished pages. i've been finished with adding websites to my links page, but i didn't decorate it yet. i want to do THAT!!

every time i update my website, i look at my follower count and how many views my site has. how do i have almost 300 followers and 14,000 views when my site isn't even finished? i'm mainly talking about my homepage...i guess. when i'm not updating my website, i have a lot of ideas for it. when i do have time to work on it though, i get distracted with other things or i get demotivated. as of writing this, it's 12 midnight, so it's now 10/18/2025. this website was just created as a hobby, a pasttime, and a place for personal expression. hmm...

i don't want to write too much for my first entry because this is only the beginning. i should be doing homework instead of typing this, but i wanted to put something in my blog. what should i put here? maybe i should talk about how i already want to get to the best parts of my school year. it hasn't even been 2 weeks of school! i'm just excited for what's to come. that's all in the future, but i can't help thinking about THOSE THINGS instead of my math homework.